Stuff I draw at work

DYI Bear, part 5

2011-10-14T16:14:00.002+01:00

Finally to the Holy Grail of home improvement (not in the sense that if you use it on something it will grant it eternal life): fixing the sink.

DYI Bear, part 4

2011-10-14T16:11:00.002+01:00

A single plank of wood. Like a blank sheet of paper it can be the first cobblestone in an endless path of creative possibilities. Like a blank piece of paper, it's most likely going to be chucked in the bin.

DYI Bear, part 3

2011-10-14T16:07:00.002+01:00

Putting something together using instructions always causes unwarranted confusion and no small amount of mental anguish. It's much better to just stick everything together and hope it doesn't collapse, as our friend here seems to be finding out.

DYI Bear, part 2

2011-10-14T16:05:00.002+01:00

Here is our bear in action. Approaching an empty light socket, than installing a light bulb with what appears to be a screwdriver. Riveting stuff.

DYI Bear, part 1

2011-10-14T16:02:00.002+01:00

Despite a strong showing from the musk ox and the salmon, the stand-out animal from the previous 'O Canada' thingy was definitely the bear. The DYI bear, to be more precise. So here's a little bit more of him.

O Canada

2011-10-14T15:34:00.003+01:00

A typical Canadian scene. From left to right: moose, bear, manly Canadian man, peacock, salmon, musk ox, owl. Under the Canadian man's foot we see to platypuses (platypi?) and a toad. At the time of writing I have yet to visit Canada.

Birds with wigs

2011-05-05T11:28:00.001+01:00

After a long time pondering if these were birds with luxuriant hair or birds with head feathers that bear an uncanny resemblance to hair, the only logical conclusion seems to be they are birds wearing wigs.

Birds without fezzes

2010-11-01T09:05:00.004Z

Mammals with fezzes, birds with fezzes and now birds without fezzes. See what happened there? Clever, huh? No. Really. Clever, very clever.

Birds with fezzes

2010-11-01T08:03:00.003Z

From mammals we move smoothly to birds. Very serious, exuberantly browed birds. The one on the left looks a bit upset; or maybe that's just the way he looks. Which would be upsetting.

Mammals with fezzes

2010-09-14T17:13:00.002+01:00

A selection of mammals with fezzes. Hard to figure which question should be answered first: what is the proper plural of 'fez' (we went with the obvious 'fezzes') or what the hell is the little chap on the bottom right corner? He looks like the rather confused offspring of Serge Gainsbourg and a chinchilla; but then again who doesn't?

Rat and dog

2010-09-14T17:11:00.003+01:00

Not a brutally honest pub name, but a rather poignant moment where friendship begins. Either that or the moment before the dog gobbles up the rat, hard to tell.

Monks!

2010-08-25T16:57:00.003+01:00

Monks! Not a single monk, not a couple of monks or even a few monks. Loads of monks! Everywhere! Bearded, clean shaven, hairy, bald, pretty, ugly, happy, grumpy... Monks! You know what they say: a thousand monks, a thousand typewriters, etc.

French Interwar gentlemen, pt.5

2010-08-24T17:49:00.004+01:00

And here is the rest. Notice the universal presence of facial hair, an almost certain indication that all people in this particular tableau are men or expertly shaved bears (in which case they could be ladies). Hard to tell.

French Interwar gentlemen, pt.4

2010-08-24T17:32:00.003+01:00

Well... this only confirms the two theories proposed in the last post. Namely: 'the chaps in these posts seem to be going up in age range' and 'the balder the hairier'. Glad that's settled then.

French Interwar gentlemen, pt.3

2010-08-24T17:25:00.002+01:00

We seem to be going up the age range, clearly for no apparent reason. Still, one has to admire how someone so hairy can to be bald as well. Maybe there was an obligatory amount of hair a man had to maintain back in 1930's western Europe; so the more hair they lost, the longer their beards had to be (unless they had very hairy backs, of course).

French Interwar gentlemen, pt.2

2010-08-19T16:50:00.003+01:00

Another reliable person. A bit more squat, solid moustache - an industrialist perhaps. Top marks all round.

French Interwar gentlemen, pt.1

2010-08-19T12:32:00.006+01:00

A particularly serene member of the 1930's upper classes. Probably thinking about shooting a small animal later; perhaps about having some pants made out of tweed or some other sort of itchy but appropriately uncomfortable material. Maybe shooting a small animal whilst being fitted for said pants.

The polar bear variations - 5

2009-11-13T15:23:00.002Z

Who wouldn't be slightly puzzled to - after trekking for days in the blinding polar wilderness - find a polar bear coming out of a giant gift box?

The polar bear variations - 4

2009-11-13T15:19:00.002Z

Pretty sure the bear is too fat to move quickly enough to get to the seal and eat it. He didn't get that fat just eating polar lettuce, though, so I'd watch out if I were the seal.

The polar bear variations - 3

2009-11-12T17:32:00.002Z

Big bear, little flower pot, rather large flower.Pretty sure that flower wouldn't fit that pot. That's why not that many polar bears are gardeners. Or florists, for that matter.

The polar bear variations - 2

2009-11-12T17:29:00.002Z

They're both enjoying some soft drinks. Big cups; and what with polar bears not being small we can only assume the beverages were purchased somewhere in the USA.

The polar bear variations - 1

2009-11-12T17:27:00.002Z

Look! Two polar bears. They're having a chat. The one on the left has a massive nose. Maybe the one on the right just knows the most flattering angle to be drawn from.

Short kakapo story, part 3

2009-11-10T18:39:00.002Z

The kakapo gives his new kiwi/chicken/walking aubergine friend a ride. All is good.

Short kakapo story, part 2

2009-11-10T18:35:00.002Z

He bumps into a small bird. I'm guessing either a kiwi or a chicken with some serious development issues.

Short Kakapo story, part 1

2009-11-10T18:15:00.002Z

Another rubbish attempt to create a story out of three completely unrelated drawings. Here comes a Kakapo down the road.

Kakapos

2009-11-10T15:25:00.003Z

I became slightly obsessed with Kakapos after watching a documentary with Stephen Fry about species under the threat of extinction. Here are a few of the many ways a Kakapo can be translated from a very fat, green flightless bird into a very fat, black and white flightless doodle.

Grumpy rabbits, part 3

2009-11-10T15:24:00.002Z

More like 'Perplexed Rabbit and Squirrel, part 1'.

Grumpy rabbits, part 2

2009-11-10T11:34:00.004Z

Probably a big rabbit mum forcing a rather resigned member of her rabbit offspring (looks like a teenager, methinks) to eat some carrot. You'd think the kid would've gotten used to carrot by now.

Grumpy rabbits, part 1

2009-11-09T16:09:00.004Z

Another rather inexplicable one. Are they at the world's least exciting rabbit party? Is it the start of the morbidly obese rabbit 100m dash and they're lost in concentration, brows furrowed? Only time will tell. Actually, probably time won't tell.

A very unusual trick

2009-05-18T15:49:00.003+01:00

This is getting silly now. Giant rabbit removes tiny magician from hat. Neither have mouths, or noses for that matter. Surely breathing without either is more of an astonishing feat than pulling a little bloke from a big hat?

A bit more of an unusual trick

2009-05-18T15:45:00.003+01:00

The very large rabbit is clearly not that amused. The magician is surprised. Was the rabbit supposed to be that big? Did it come from the hat or did it get a bus? If so, did it use a saver pass, an oyster card or simply didn't pay? We'll never know... mystery is the soul of magic.

A slightly unusual trick

2009-05-18T15:42:00.003+01:00

Now, this is a little bit different. The man is coming out of a giant top hat. The future of magic or rather disappointing male burlesque routine? The audience shall decide.

A magician

2009-05-18T15:39:00.003+01:00

Here's a very traditional little magician, doing two very traditional magic tricks: producing a rabbit (or a supermarket bag with a rabbit face drawn on it) from a bag; and wriggling his fingers to control something (out of frame at the moment of drawing) from a distance. All very tidy.

A man's journey, part 5

2009-03-13T14:52:00.002Z

At the end of his journey our friend is reunited with his love, proud of his journey and the fact that she managed to comb her hair in a bun and in a fringe at the same time.

A man's journey, part 4

2009-03-13T14:48:00.002Z

Finding his way to a road our protagonist hitches a ride on a truck. With no space on the cabin he travels on the back, enjoying the cold breeze, the beautiful scenery and the absence of having to make small conversation with the driver. Which is a bit mean.

A man's journey, part 3

2009-03-13T14:43:00.002Z

Our man leaves the train and find himself in unknown country. From a hill far away a herdsman worriedly points at him, probably reminding his faithful long legged pig that traveling without a map - although seemingly romantic - is neither big or clever. The pig agrees.

A man's journey, part 2

2009-03-13T14:40:00.002Z

Our hero takes a rather crowded train. All people have to do all day is sleep and cook pork sausages on the steam coming out of the engine. Unfortunately no one remembered to bring the barbecue sauce.

A man's journey, part 1

2009-03-13T14:33:00.003Z

Ok, this is an attempt to create a little story out of 5 or 6 completely random doodles drawn in separate situations. Considering everything I draw looks exactly the same it shouldn't be too hard, so let's go.

Our story begins with a young gentleman starting a trip. An older man sitting on top of his well traveled suitcase reminds him of the vast possibilities the journey he is about to undertake present.

A little village

2009-03-05T16:58:00.006Z

Loads of people, a happy dog, a little church and what seems to be a priest returning from a seminar, only to encounter his long lost love in the square where they spent their childhood together. It could just be a bloke wearing a hat bumping into a complete stranger.

A selection of little people with big noses

2009-03-05T09:50:00.004Z

Including a very anti-social one that chose to stay on his own at the bottom.

A mixed bunch

2009-03-04T17:33:00.006Z

Who are these people? What do they do in their free time? What do they like? Has one of them ever played for Rochdale United? All I know is the one on the far right is either a friendly fridge with a handle or a very large piece of luggage.

Pocket accountant

2009-03-04T17:28:00.003Z

This is a very small and very tidy accountant. Clearly likes plane spotting and collecting thermos flasks. Always handy to have one around.

Mini Michael Howards

2008-12-19T18:15:00.003Z

I drew quite a lot of little fellas with thick glasses and combovers the other day and had no idea who they were or where they came from - until I realised they looked exactly like Michael Howard, former leader of the Tories. So here are two very small, slightly naked Michael Howards looking at each other.

Octopus

2008-11-11T18:12:00.005Z

This is a very well brought up octopus. It probably know the right way to hold a variety of cutlery implements, the proper way to address a retired archbishop and the names of all the kings of England, including all the German ones.

Singing delight

2008-11-11T18:03:00.002Z

A man sings, a chicken with a chick on it's head listens attentively. The chicken could either be extremely polite, entranced by the performance or completely deaf. Hard to tell, really.

Chaps with hats, part 2

2008-11-11T17:59:00.002Z

Now, this is what we're talking about. A short, monobrowed and slightly psychotic little fella and his mildly puzzled friend. Both wearing flower hats, of course.

Chaps with hats, part 1

2008-11-11T17:55:00.003Z

They're clearly annoyed. I'm guessing the tall one because he's got an exceedingly outdated floppy fringe/goatee combination, and the short one, well... because he's short. It could always be because they've got no clothes, though.

Very happy little man

2008-11-11T17:52:00.002Z

A little bit too happy, perhaps...

Napoleonic dudes 04

2008-09-16T08:45:00.002+01:00

In the 19th century French toffs top trumps this man would be like Sócrates on the 1982 world cup top trumps: top of every category, but for goalkeeping. Talleyrand, managed not only to survive but made a pretty good living before and during the French Revolution, through to Napoleon's reign and a few kings aftewards. Notice how he keeps his elegant countenance even when performing a little dance.

Napoleonic dudes 03

2008-09-15T18:57:00.005+01:00

Not a dude this one. This is supposed to be the big man's missus, Josephine. On the floor we see either a very small lion, a carefully tonsured poodle or one of those funny puppets that street puppeteers make out of used plastic cups and string. Hard to tell.

Napoleonic dudes 02

2008-09-15T18:52:00.002+01:00

Fouché, who was kind of around right after the Revolution, through to Napoleon's reign and then afterwards in the Bourbon restoration (not to be confused with the end of the alcohol prohibition in the US).

Napoleonic dudes 01

2008-09-12T18:29:00.005+01:00

Having drawn the man himself, logic dictated I should draw some of his friends. We start here with Murat, not only one of the little fella's general but also his brother-in-law. Notice the menacing brow and unsheathed blade (it might be a spoon, actually).

L'empereur Bonaparte

2008-09-12T18:20:00.005+01:00

For some reason I drew our grumpy little Corsican friend in what I can only assume was a grumpy little meeting. Unlike the famously mercurial prince, though, most of the meetings I go to tend to be more like a little old lady called Gladys, from Hazelmere. Nice, slightly bumbling, ultimately inefficient and mildly irritating after a little while.

Fat Ronaldo

2008-09-12T17:43:00.002+01:00

Once the world's greatest footballer, now a (very) tubby, middle aged, man of leisure. Still, producing what is probably the best mini-afro to be worn since the late Seventies is no mean achievement.

Geometric friends

2008-09-12T17:40:00.003+01:00

A triangle and a square. One angry, one mildly puzzled. What could they be looking at? A circle? A line? I think that amount of inconvenience would more likely be caused by a dodecahedron.

German nobles, part 4

2008-06-12T11:51:00.003+01:00

This is much more modern, I'm guessing late 19th century. Nothing like a man with a cane and cravat.

German nobles, part 3

2008-06-12T11:49:00.002+01:00

A more gentle fella than the last one. Maybe some sort of late middle-age Burgundian troubadour, or an estate agent. Hard to tell.

German nobles, part 2

2008-06-12T11:47:00.002+01:00

This one seems ready for war. He might have trouble hitting something with his stubby arms, but you never know, so better watch out.

German nobles, part 1

2008-06-12T11:45:00.003+01:00

This is the first in an inexplicable series of ancient German noblemen I drew on a particularly boring meeting. I guess he's Bavarian.

Gaúchos 2

2008-06-12T11:43:00.001+01:00

Three more gaúchos. Not so lonesome, I guess.

Gaúchos 1

2008-06-12T11:42:00.003+01:00

A menacing lonesome cowboy from the frontier between Brazil and Argentina.

Aloof bird

2008-06-12T11:38:00.004+01:00

It's hard to tell if it's a genuine lack of interest in worldly things or an affectation, but he clearly isn't interested on whatever might be going on. He and the rooster below could ignore each other in a contest. Can't call who would win.

Solemn rooster

2008-06-12T11:36:00.002+01:00

This is a very formal male chicken. Which is not necessarily a bad thing.

Sunflower lions

2008-06-12T11:35:00.001+01:00

Butterfluffs 3

2008-06-04T18:10:00.002+01:00

Butterfluffs 2

2008-06-04T18:09:00.000+01:00

Butterfluffs

2008-06-04T18:06:00.003+01:00

I think they're little butterflies made out of something like sponge cake.

Historical figures, part 4

2008-04-11T16:14:00.003+01:00

Chairman Mao, complete with flag and baseball cap.

Historical figures, part 3

2008-04-11T16:11:00.002+01:00

Although he doesn't look anything like Churchill, this is most definitely Churchill. I wonder if the lovely TV bulldog is more famous than the old politician nowadays and, more importantly, could the dog have won the war any faster?

Historical figures, part 2

2008-04-11T16:09:00.003+01:00

This nice gentleman was supposed to be Leonidas, but ended up looking more like Pythagoras.

2 Queens

2008-04-11T16:03:00.003+01:00

Two very sorry attempts to draw our lovely sovereign. Had I drawn this a couple hundred years ago it'd be the Tyburn tree for me.

Historical figures, part 1

2008-03-28T13:44:00.004Z

Let's say goodbye to the chickens for a while. As a natural transition between fowl and great personages from history here we have Henry VIII.

Clever bird

2008-03-27T12:13:00.003Z

This is a very clever bird. Too clever, actually.

Two fat birds

2008-03-27T12:12:00.002Z

Funny looking birds

2008-03-27T12:10:00.002Z

They either very tall seagulls or very young pterodactyl chicks. Only time and the services of somebody that can draw properly will tell.

More random birds

2008-03-27T12:04:00.002Z

They don't seem to be speaking to each other. Maybe the short bird's hat is putting the tall one off, sometimes one can be too formal.

Curved beaks

2008-03-27T12:03:00.000Z

I'm not sure the tall bird can see the little one...

Mexican chicken

2008-03-27T11:57:00.002Z

Skinny chickens

2008-03-12T17:31:00.001Z

They should be banned from fashion shows.

More fat chickens

2008-03-12T17:29:00.004Z

The third one from the right isn't really fat, but maybe her BMI is a bit high.

One fat chicken

2008-03-12T17:28:00.000Z

octopi

2008-03-12T17:26:00.003Z

Big lady octopus or big octopus dressed like a lady? I think the little fella is wondering the same thing.

Picnic

2008-03-04T18:08:00.002Z

Happy farming

2008-03-04T18:01:00.002Z

The farmer and his missus seem very impressed with their pumpkins. I'm much more impressed about the fact they managed to pick them up with no arms.

Totem

2008-03-03T16:15:00.002Z

Is that a pepperoni pizza under the whale or a pepperoni pizza with extra whale topping?

Hairy fairy

2008-03-03T16:09:00.003Z

Another one in the very long, very boring and mildly unsettling 'what I would look like if I were something else' series. Were I a fairy , this is what I'd look like . It's clearly a good thing I'm not, then.

Not amused pig

2008-03-03T16:07:00.001Z

Man on hill

2008-03-03T16:05:00.002Z

The sign look suspicious. Either a golf sale or an estate agent's sign. Maybe it's an estate agent sale sign.

Man with bird on his head...

2008-03-03T16:04:00.001Z

...or bird with man under his feet.

Birds 05

2008-02-28T16:42:00.001Z

Here we go. It was easy to tell this birds thing wasn't going to end well. Sorry if there are any people with a nervous disposition in the room.If it serves as consolation I'm sure he didn't suffer much.

Birds 04

2008-02-28T16:39:00.000Z

Lady bird tells Mexican outlaw bird that someone has just been killed. This is not good.

Special agent

2008-02-28T16:38:00.000Z

If fat short birds could join the FBI, this is what they'd look like.

Birds 02

2008-02-28T16:37:00.000Z

Gentleman and lady meet on cloud.

Birds 01

2008-02-28T16:36:00.000Z

A bird valet brings dinner to the bird King, Queen or something like that. All very posh, anyway.

The princess and the bloke in a funny hat

2008-02-28T16:27:00.000Z

She doesn't seem too impressed.

Hamlet

2008-02-28T15:54:00.001Z

He is clearly a bit too happy for a bloke holding a skull.

History lesson

2008-02-28T15:46:00.000Z

A depiction of the well known chats Spartans used to have with dinosaurs ages ago.

Two dodgy little geezers

2008-02-28T15:44:00.000Z

I'm not sure who they are, but I know they're up to no good.

Suntan

2008-02-28T15:42:00.000Z

A little pebble sitting in a big rock enjoying the sun.

K.B.O.

2008-02-28T15:40:00.000Z

There are some letters growing from this little fella's head.